I’m over it now, but last week I was so very annoyed.
The “Elder Attorney” of my mother’s was by my side, encouraging/supporting/caring about ME as well as my mother for over 5 years. She knew full well the impact on the caregivers life, and was also one of the few that bothered to ask how I was doing on a regular basis. She knew my stress level, my exasperation, and the indifference received by families, friends or co-workers. She was an important and irreplaceable person in my life as well as my mother’s, for the 5 years I took care of my mom as she descended into Alzheimer’s disease. The words trust and grateful were fluent in my descriptions of this wondrous lady.
After my book was published, several months later – mom’s elder attorney called me and invited me out for a lunch date ! I was so excited and accepted immediately ! Of course….She told me over and over how much she read and loved my book, she requested I come to her office and sign the 10 copies she would purchase to give away to her clients, how excited and proud of me she was and how helpful my book would be to those clients that are in the exact situation I was in for many a year. There was a mutual trust and respect between us, and it will always be there….
Mom’s elder attorney and I have kept in touch over the years since Mom’s demise in 2004. Meeting her for lunch was quite an honor for me. During out lunch date, she informed me that she wanted to host a local “book signing” for me as well ! This would include a free seminar on her part, and it would intertwine with my book. But of course, I would endorse her ! She was fabulous !
I was so excited as her assistant started looking into venues to host my book signing ! I had already had a couple of out of town book signings, and mom’s elder attorney wanting to host one for me – WOW – I was on top of the world.
Then, after a few weeks, the book signing emails started dwindling – and I soon stopped helping out with venues that I knew would be more than suitable. It was very time consuming on my part as well. I sensed a pull away – and received no explanation from the elder attorney or her assistant. I did get word from the assistant however, that she had contacted “so many” places and had not heard back from any of them. This I found hard to believe and just had a nagging feeling something was missing from these back and forth emails. Picking up maybe with a sixth sense – something was not quite right.
It was also explained to me by the elder attorney’s assistant that the busy time of year over the holidays was coming up and my book signing would have to be postponed. I understood that, it made perfect sense.
Then the devastating email arrived – letting me know that NOW they could NO longer host a book signing for me. OK what is really going on here? Knowing the trust and understanding that existed between the two of us, it was time to call and speak with mom’s elder attorney, not her assistant any longer.
The elder attorney of course was not available when I called to speak with her personally. I left a nice voice message asking her was everything OK? Was she annoyed at me? What had happened? All of a sudden – no book signing and I reminded her it was her idea to begin with. I tried not to be upset, but in actuality I was.
She did return my call the next day – and unfortunately I had been out of the house with the dogs for a walk.
Now, I hear the true reason. Several of her clients – um – read my book – and um – to be honest – um – they didn’t like the language in my book. So um she feels that now she can no longer host a book signing for me. What? Seriously? Her CLENTS took offense to a couple of curse words – causing her to back out of her book signing offer?
Unless someone has been in my shoes and gone thru what I did as a dedicated caregiver for my mother for five years – on a daily basis they have no right to judge me. I used the “F” word twice in my book, and I’ll be honest – if there had been a harsher word to use—- that would have taken it ‘s place. Those who are caregivers to a loved one with Alzheimer’s know the toll it takes on the human soul. It drains the caregivers physically, mentally, financially and emotionally.
I opened up my heart, feelings, daily chaos and family life to readers in order for them for them to understand the severity the impact of being a caregiver is really about. There is no room for judgment from other’s that condemn my heartfelt writing.
I assume that none of these “clients” have or ever will watch and or read; award winning movies, best selling books, world famous authors, novelists and bloggers, bibliographies, TV shows, musicians, magazines, social sites, dramas, plays, autobiographies, and I can go on – but readers get my message.
I was disappointed, but now I’m over it. Of course, I won’t be able to refer, recommend, suggest, or send any more prospective “clients” her way. I can’t refer other’s to an elder attorney who now does not support me…..this works both ways.